): Miss You Dad! :(

It has been almost a year since Dad’s passing, Aug.13.2010… Today more than other days I seem to be missing him.  I got an early afternoon with just me and the pupps, so got a lil bit of a break, really needed it.  As I let the water hit me in the shower, also missed Hawaii, the rain, walking in it, and swimming in the ocean while it rained.  The smells afterwards are just amazing and whisk you away to an island paradise… you get to lose yourself and everything else and for a moment, tranquility touches you lightly dancing all over your body as the rain falls.  As that memory faded I realized it was just the shower “rain” and got abruptly jolted back into “real life.”  Which has become a waking nightmare… as of late, actually a really weird dream, of the alt/gothic variety!  0.0

Last month saw us preparing for incoming family, my brother and his wife and then they turned around and took her to a medical facility in Tulsa Oklahoma to help her realize that she is allowed to eat and its okay and yes she is a valuable person and deserves to live.  She suffers from anorexia and has other ailments, but this was the immediate concern as she was borderline to the “point of no return,” with a possible “six feet under” resolution.  Which is NOT what anyone in our family wants, especially her husband (my bro) and her girls, as well as Mom and me. 

(btw = by the way… I really don’t care if these sentences are “correct”… don’t have the energy to “fix” them…!)

So with her being there for at least 21 days, Mom and my Bro went up as often as was allowed to Tulsa to see her, with Bro going an additional day for “family” counseling.  My duties then were “Dog Duty” (crowd control or “keep them from fighting”) as my baby boy… Gabriel, is very aggressive with playing and when first meet… as he “IS” the Alpha male and well… Maggie, my brother and sis-n-law’s dog is a wee lil yorkie, cute as a button and may be 5lbs soaking wet!!! And would be a two bite snack for him!  Not that he would, but until he “gets used” to a new dog… well, my duty is to keep them on a rotating schedule so they both get a chance to socialize with family and the other two dogs (mom’s dogs), but are a room apart.  So that is my job and to resupply the tea…. That was for about 3 weeks… she came home June.25.on a Friday………. and, well….. that was eleven days ago and it feels like it has been a life time.

No complaints, but is has been very intense.  We are having to monitor her eating and meds… “We” have issues with mood and pain monitoring meds and “We” tend to feel like “We” need them sooner than necessary… so Mom does the nutrition and I am the “Pill Police,” which has but me back on a “Vampie” shift (which I totally loooove!) and make sure she is supplied when necessary.  Just before she came home, she had a siezire as they tried to take her off some of her meds too fast that need to be tapered off, so her body decided to “flip”on her.  So between the meds and her anorexia she flat out fell while in line to get her lunch meal.  The night before she had one too, she woke up with big bruises the next day, then had another, which left her with deep muscle and tissue bruising, ribs bruised, mild concussion, more meds, more “stuff” to deal with.  (foggy to moderate memory loss, which she already suffers with that anyways from years ago… another long story)  so in trying to get her meds situated, her situated, a routine etc… “daily” life around here is not boring.  About 3 days in there was a “meltdown” regarding pain meds so we had to come to an agreement, which left me in charge of monitoring and dispersing meds… period.  (keeping mom out of the line of fire… so to speak)  so I get to be the “baaad cop” when needed… but am learning new approach methods and in talking with my dear sis-n-law, keep telling her, trying to help her so she wont over medicate… which would lead to another set of problems.  She will take meds and then 15 mins later ask for meds forgetting that she had just taken them and that she last took them in the morning…  So there is a “mental” agility I am having to perform and by the time the day is done I am really tired and cannot think straight!  Gee wonder how I can put this down on a resume!  Lol

… “I have been an assistant care taker for my beloved Father, which lasted for close to 2 years that covered various duties, meds, nurse, shots, changing feeding tubes, running monitors for his breathing apparatus, keeping charts, helping with daily laundry, taking care of dogs, more laundry, worked the graves so mom could “sleep in,” lifting Dad up in the bed, as his hind end was like a banana peel and he was so tall, he was constantly slipping down in his bed (he was bedfast)… helping with “doogy duty” (wont go there on that description)… doing sticks, to see if need shot to keep from going into a diabetic coma, breathing treatments (due to him being on a vent), helping mom change his circuit (the vent helped him breath), making up charts to keep meds in line…”  so how could label that experience?!?  lol
Then after he passed… got things taken care of so could go back to school, knew would need a distraction… also knew summer school would not work, did not know exactly why… now do!  Lol, so cut to june/july and now how would this be labeled….???

… “I have been a primary/assistant care taker for my sweet sister-in-law, primary pill pusher/supplier/moderator/charter, (also made charts to monitor with… tytytyty excel class!!! had  this spring!  Whoop!  Lol made is sooo much more easier)  work graves to ensure patient receives meds, “relaxer meds,” gets back to bed safely  (some of her meds makes her like those wibbly wobblies! you know those toys from a few ago!  lol) help chart her meals, offer support emotional and reassurance.  Have learned perspective and approaches have to be tailored at times moment by moment… as memory is affected on a constant rotating basis…. crisis management skills are developing and tested… as still on doggy rotating duty… resupply tea, feed/water dogs, and household duties too…..”  so how would one describe this?

The real question is will I use this on a resume?  You are for sure darn tootin!!!  So what have you done since laid off in the summer of 2007?!?  Hmmmmmmm how long do you really have for this interview?  ROFL!  Ahaahaaaa!  Why am I thinking about this now? As still have a good 4 years to go till get my degree and can seriously apply for programming positions?!?   Well, that is how my brain works and is unfortaunatly/fortunately wired and thanks to my Dad! Bless him! He was always thinking ahead and fortunately I got that gene… but it can drive me batty at times!  lol!!!  Do I regret what is going on right now or feel put upon?!?  Nope, am glad, very glad can help out my brother and think a lot lately, this is a drop in the bucket compared to what he has had to got through… he has been going through this on his own for ten years or so!  So Mom and I both are more than happy to help him and her out!  He is leaving tomorrow to go pack up their place, as they will be staying with us for an undetermined amount of time.  I love my family, we pitch in and help and take care of our own… course my salary right now is paid in love and thank you’s…. (doesn’t pay the bills, but ya know… things seem to work out!... how?  Ya know they just do) and in the mean time we take it day by day… and thank our Beloved Heavenly Creator that he has our back and supplies what we need, when we need it.  Life goes on and we continue to learn, grow and find moments that help us make it through the day.

Well I have yacked on loooooooong enough…. and will close for now.  If you want to “find” me on my current “e.s.c.a.p.e.”  (Dori’s version..lol) send me an email vjv_ahc@yahoo.com and will send you an invite to come play with “Darnel” (my dragon) and me!  Eheeheeee!  Soon will be on facebook and will let you know my "handle" so if ya want, can find me there.

Thank you, My friends and loved ones, for the prayers, thoughts and Reiki, may your day be graced with wonderful blessings and may the Angels leave you with a wonderful message!  In lite and with many good juju thoughts,
vjv  Jeannine  vjv